My best simply isn’t good enough anymore.
No, no. It really isn’t. I’m not fishing for compliments, or advice, or sympathy. I’m just stating the facts, ma’am.
I say the following phrase with increasing frequency: “I’m doing the best I can!” This is usually in response to questions like:
“Why are there no clean towels?”
“Why do I have to borrow Dad’s socks again?”
“What am I supposed to eat? There’s no food in the house!”
And then there are the questions I ask myself:
“Why haven’t you had quiet time today?”
“Why does everything seem so grungy and chaotic?”
“Why am I so snappy with my family when I have so darn much?”
“Why are we eating chicken apple sausage and noodles AGAIN?”
Lately I’ve felt a big, ugly thing inside of me. I don’t have to be a psych major to know what it is: It’s discontent because nothing is how I want it to be.
“Honey, PLEASE take the kids out today so I can get something done.”
“Honey, PLEASE take Rachel to the Splash Park so I can have a bit of silence and maybe get a shower.”
“Honey, PLEASE help Collin so I can type up this declaration.”
So, even though I’m “doing the best I can,” that “best” seldom seems to include “doing it all,” or hanging out with my kids, who I very much wanted and am so glad to have.
Trust me: this has nothing to do with having a smaller to-do list. I am not trying to scrapbook and reorganize closets and Shop Vac the garage. This is Survival 101. Such as having NO TOWELS, not even dish towels, the other day, so we all had to drip dry after showering. Such as having canned soup and a green lemon from our lemon tree as the only foods in the house. Such as my husband borrowing my underwear because all of his are in the wash (I made that last one up, but not by much). Such as having to store my “active” files on the kitchen counter, right by the CDs of singing vegetables and the “Home Menus and Shopping Lists” binder I haven’t touched in eight months, so I can glance over them while boiling noodles.
Read the rest of today’s post here.